i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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