I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
