she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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