I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
