Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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