mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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