Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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