idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize