if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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