I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
