Dual....:-)
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
