I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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