It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
