I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
