A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
