Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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