The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
