I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
