neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
