How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize