Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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