Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
