She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
