sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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