NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
