ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
