i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
