I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
