Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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