I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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