Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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