i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
