i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
