I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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