Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
