he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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