OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
