Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
