If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
