Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
