Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
