You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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