we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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