A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
