Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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