ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
