I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
