My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
