Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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