shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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