I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
