I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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