when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
