I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
