That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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