his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
