you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
