Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
