So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
