so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
