remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
