You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
