Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
