You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize