just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize