So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
