i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's get the cat blown out
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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