Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
