The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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