M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
