He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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