Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
