haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
