Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
