I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
