perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
