the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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