Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
