i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
