This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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