Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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