OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
