Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm at about main and main street
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
