Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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