is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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