I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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