And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
